Without Further Ado…

While on my way home this past Friday from what is now my side-job (somewhat intoxicated and very very frustrated) I started to think about how lonely I am at the moment. Horrible thoughts about the ex-boyfriend begin to creep into my mind and the nostalgia kicks in. What if things would’ve been different? What if he hadn’t been such a douche bag? Why was I stupid enough to fall in love with a douche bag? Am I ever going to get married? Will I be too old to have babies by the time I get married, which is likely to happen after the end of the world? Why have I let myself get so fat? Why do guys in Miami suck so bad? Blah Blah Blah…As I slowly but surely brain f*ck myself into a mild depression, I also start to think that there HAS to be other women out there that are in my same situation…other women, that could identify with my current feelings and thoughts. No way…I’m the only loser thinking about this stuff…my depression increases…and I then decide to use one of the tools my old therapist told me to use…WRITE IT DOWN! But writing it down just for myself sucks…who goes back to read that stuff? Why am I wasting paper? But what if I put it out there for other women to read? Of course…my delusions of grandeur start to kick in at this point and I think that maybe I can be the female version of Tucker Max and start writing a blog about what really goes on in the head of a 29 year old SWF in Miami. I quickly erase this from my mind because I know that if I think about it too much, then it definitely won’t happen. So this brings me to my first entry and the beginning of what could be the most fruitless effort of my life or the best thing I ever did for myself. Either way, it will definitely save me some money on therapist bills for the time being. If you’ve stuck with me thus far, I thank you and encourage you to keep reading and to subscribe to the blog. It will only get better. I promise that this will not be a bitching session (well not always) or an I hate men rant (just sometimes)…I promise to deliver honest, witty, and real thoughts about what plagues a 29 year old single woman in this god forsaken city that is Miami, FL.

So here are the logistics about me and what you need to know about the woman whose thoughts you will be sharing in this coming year. My name is Mel. I was born and raised in Miami, FL. I went to high school at an all girl private catholic high school (if you’re from Miami then I don’t need to name the school) where I was miserable my entire 4 years (stay posted for blog entry about these years). I then foolishly decide to stick around Miami and not go away to school. What the hell was I thinking (another blog entry)? But that is neither here nor there…what’s done is done. I do try and make the best of it while I’m at school in the MIA…I even join a sorority!! An independent soul like me, joining a sorority…no way right? Uh yeah…I paid for my friends. I worked full time all through my bachelor’s and master’s degrees while I gained priceless experience throughout those years (which proved to be worthless later on). Moved out with my sister when I was 25 years old. She was returning from 4 years of awesomeness at UF and I had just broken up with my ex-fiancé. We were a match made in heaven (my sis and I)!!!!

Here are some other significant events throughout these years. Both Mom and Dad are diagnosed and survive cancer…I leave what could be the coolest CPA firm in all of South Florida for the crappiest corporate job a girl could ever ask for…manage to break two men’s hearts…consider Judaism (although my mother still doesn’t know it crossed my mind)…manage to fall in love for the first time with the sh!ttiest human being alive…and get my heart broken by that sh!tty human being…all the while encountering lots of worthless men…but making amazing girl and guy friends…selling sex toys like they do Tupperware…finding a job I love…trying internet dating…completely screwing up my credit…becoming a minor celebrity in the Miami kickball community…getting skinny…getting fat…getting broker and broker and the years go by…and the list goes on and on and on.

So these are the things I will talk about in this blog. It is my own personal psychotherapy and I hope that if nothing else, when you read this, you will realize there is someone out there that is definitely crazier than you are…and you’ll feel better about yourself or your situation. I’ll also talk about the various adventures I encounter throughout the last year of my 20s since my own close friends seem to find my shenanigans very amusing. I encourage you to stay tuned!!

For my friends who have always encouraged me to put down my thoughts and adventures on paper…I finally did it and this blog is dedicated to you. For those of you that don’t know me…sit down…grab a cup of coffee and let the brain f*cking begin.

So without further ado…let the adventures and musings of a 29 year old SWF in Miami begin!

Mel